


You Exist Inside The Colors

by haisethetic



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fanfic, Fiction, Fluff, Gay, LMAO, M/M, Oikawa - Freeform, One Shot, One-Shot, Tragedy, Volleyball, angsty fic, haikyuu fic, hq!!, iwachan, iwaoi angst, iwaoi fic, tragic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-06-02 03:56:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6549598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haisethetic/pseuds/haisethetic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Everything he is exists inside the haven of colors. The colors are warm, breathtaking and can never be unseen. The colors shine with a light that not everyone has been graced to see. Hajime wonders if everyone sees Tooru the way that he does. "</p>
<p>An alternate universe of black and white, where soulmates meet and see the colors for the first time together. But what if you're destined for your soulmate and under unfortunate circumstances, your soulmate just can't stay with you?</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Exist Inside The Colors

**Author's Note:**

> Tracks I listened to when I wrote this:
> 
> 01\. We Can Never Go Back (Acoustic) - Joy Williams  
> 02\. I do - Susie Suh  
> 03\. Vanilla Twilight - Owl City  
> 04\. Blue - Troye Sivan Ft. Alex Hope
> 
> The concept of this story is inspired by a tumblr post about a world of black and white, soulmates meeting together and seeing the colors for the first time. However, this has more of a tragic note engraved in it. I hope you enjoy it!

> **_"I want you, I'll colour me blue. Anything it takes to make you stay."_**    **  
> **

 

**YOU EXIST INSIDE THE COLORS**

**By: Vanessa Sheathes**

* * *

 

 

_Rain on the first day of school, huh?_ Hajime thinks. _The sky is a darker tinge of grey, and the atmosphere seems too gloomy._

Hajime shuffles on his feet as the puddle of water starts to soak his shoes. He curses under his breath, both because of the rain and how much time has passed since he missed the first bus. Now he has to wait for another good twenty minutes for the next bus to take him to school. He dreads the idea of meeting new people and socializing, but for the sole reason of joining the volleyball club this year, he pushes the unnecessary thoughts aside. He wonders if the captain will warmly welcome him into the club, or proceeds to beating him up for practice. He barely knows the captain. _Oikawa Tooru_ is all that he knows; a name that goes around the campus without flopping, especially with the freshmen girls last year.

He wonders if the world around him remains monochrome this year. The colors are a myth for most of them. They say if you meet someone who's destined for you and hold their hands, the world will burst into color. That's what the romantics have made them believe, and Hajime continues to wonder if the whole absurd concept is actually real. He doesn't care for the most part, but if fate decides to show him the world in color, he will gladly embrace it.

The next bus finally looms into view around the corner. He heaves out a sigh. He glances at his watch. **7:45** , the clock indicates. He has about fifteen minutes before the gates close and he'll be marked late on the first day of school. He clambers up the bus when it halts before him, finding his seat in the middle and next to the window. Rain trickles down the glass, racing to the windowsill. He watches the world of black and white in a blur as the bus lulls forward.

The bus arrives at the school at exactly **7:55**. Hajime is thankful that the road wasn't clogged with traffic. He nods to the driver as he hops down the exit, hearing the doors behind him make a hissing sound as they close. He walks hurriedly inside the school campus and stumbles upon classmates from his class before. He greets them and waves them off.

He bumps into someone, and he staggers back, almost losing his balance.

"Pardon," the guy says before he can even say a word, "please watch where you're going."

Hajime looks up to see a mop of tousled hair and piercing yet gentle eyes. _He must be Tooru._ He fights against the urge to recoil before him. _He's intimidating_ , Hajime thinks, unable to utter a word. The volleyball captain seems to sense his uneasiness and waves him off with a smile too bright for a monochrome world. His eyes sparkle even though Hajime doesn't see the colors; he seems to have seen them in the captain's eyes. The bell finally rings and already Tooru is gone. Hajime walks up the stairs shaking off his irritating thoughts.   
  
The day goes by in a blur. Hajime blends in and out of the crowd, paying no attention to the posters of the clubs hung on the walls. He has made up his mind since summer. He's joining the all-glory men's volleyball club of Aoba Johsai High whether or not his parents agree, and whether or not he makes friends inside the club. His mind wanders to the team captain, and thinks about his public façade moments ago. _Well, maybe he really has a pleasing personality, and it wasn't a façade,_ Hajime shakes his head.

_Did his eyes really sparkle? Has the team captain met the one destined for him? Is he seeing the colors?_

The questions in his mind are restless, and he is unable to tamper them down. His usually quiet conscious mind seems to have gone overdrive. He sighs, focusing on his pace. _Just get to the damn bus stop._ As he walks up closer to the bus stop, he notices a shadow by the road. He looks up. Tooru is leaning on the pole, seemingly waiting for a bus, too. Hajime pauses in his tracks and pushes his anxiety back down his throat.

"Oh," Tooru straightens up and waves his hand. "It's you."

Hajime jumps nimbly _. Me?_

"I wasn't really watching when we bumped into each other, too. Guess no one's at fault," Tooru chuckles, an echo of laughter that rivals the sweetest melody he's heard in years.

_How does the team captain remember someone from the crowd? How does he remember me?_

"Oh," is all Hajime says, too caught up in the moment. "I was in a hurry. I'm sorry."

A brief moment of silence encompasses them.

"You know, the bus doesn't stop where you're standing. It stops here," Tooru points to a space beside him. Hajime is unsure whether to go near him. He fears the team captain will develop a sense of despise towards him, even when he's not doing anything. _Why? Why does he intimidate me so much? Why is my heart pounding like this?_ Hajiime looks into Tooru's eyes again. They dazzle and sparkle like the first time they made eye-contact, as if Tooru exists inside the colors. Hajime breaks eye-contact and walks up beside him. There he stands, and for a moment they fall in silence. He dreads the undeniable fact that he'll be taking the same bus as Tooru.

"I've seen you play volleyball before," the team captain says. Hajime tightens his grip on his shoulder bag, anticipating a following comment from the school's highly respected volleyball captain. "I thought you might want to join the club, Hajime."

_Did I hear it right? Does he know my name?_

Hajime is silent, deciding against striking a conversation with Tooru. He thinks of it as pointless, and what if the team captain – with very high standards of playing volleyball – is lying? He doesn't want to think about it, but his mind has settled. He swallows hard. "I think I...might join the club this year."

"That's great!" Tooru grins, and suddenly Hajime doesn't want this moment to slip away. _You exist inside the colors, Tooru._

The bus finally arrives. Tooru is first to walk inside, then Hajime follows nimbly. Hajime doesn't expect that Tooru will sit beside him, but he does. He pushes himself against the window, avoiding getting close to him as much as possible. Along the journey home, the team captain falls into a deep slumber. His snores aren't loud, and his breathing is deep and calm. He lets himself fall vulnerable beside Hajime.

Hajime risks a quick glance. Even with his eyes closed, he seems to radiate of colors and a light that the world has never seen. Everything he is exists inside the haven of colors. _The colors are warm, breathtaking and can never be unseen. The colors shine with a light that not everyone has been graced to see._ Hajime wonders if everyone sees Tooru the way that he does.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day Hajime arrives at the school only two minutes before the bell rings. His shoelaces are untied and a mess of knots that bounce as he runs towards his first Wednesday class with Mr. Kiyoko. He barely has enough time to catch his breath when he finally arrives at the room.

He is somehow thankful he hadn't bumped into Tooru again.

After class, he realizes today is the day for the volleyball try-outs for the new team members. He hesitates for a split-second, convinced of the thought that waiting until Tooru graduates before he joins the club would be best for him. He is unsure why he suddenly changes his mind. His encounter with the team captain yesterday was too overwhelming for him, but not enough to change his mind about officially joining the club.

_So why, then?_

Hajime yelps when someone suddenly smacks his back in the hallway. He whirls around to charge at whoever it was but recoils when he realizes it was Tooru. "I'll be expecting you at the try-outs today," Tooru beams. Hajime still can't comprehend the light that Tooru radiates. Not for second. _This, this is why I am suddenly hesitating to join_. He just stands there in awe and always struggling to find the right words to say until Tooru is out of reach. _Tooru is too far away from me now, he won't hear me._

_  
_Even so, "I'll be there!" Hajime shouts at the top of his lungs. Tooru looks over his shoulder, taken aback for a moment then gives Hajime a smile that rivals the sun. Hajime doesn't see the color that the sun radiates, but he knows for sure, with seamless certainty that it is like this, and the team captain has outshone it.

_Breathtaking_ , Hajime thinks.

He arrives at the gym five minutes late from the scheduled time. The school gym is wide and vast that seems to bend and stretch before his eyes. Hajime calculates the square area and comes to a vague conclusion; it can accommodate roughly thousands of people. There are others who have lined up for the volleyball try-outs, and Hajime couldn't care less. The team captain is first to call out his name. "Hajime!" he gestures for him to come forward, and Hajime does so.

"Please write your full name over there," Tooru points to a single sheet of paper scribbled with different names. Hajime writes his down halfway through the page. _A lot of freshmen have come to the volleyball try-outs, huh?_ Hajime snorts. He hands the paper to Tooru, his eyes scanning the gym. He doesn't want to make Tooru think that for some odd reason, he feels awkward around him.

"Iwa..Iwaizu..mi Hajime," Tooru reads his name out loud, struggling to string the syllables of his name together. "Iwaizumi Hajime," he repeats, dropping his voice this time. Hajime is confused of what the silly captain is trying to make out of his name. "Iwa-chan!" Tooru exclaims in all of a sudden. "Iwa-chan sounds a great nickname, don't you think?"

Hajime is startled and overwhelmed, unable to describe the feeling of joy of being acknowledged by the captain and the awkward feeling creeping into his chest; it is a seamless blend that changes everything about how he sees Tooru. _What do you call this feeling again?_ He searches for the answer to this question but the longer he looks at the captain's enthusiasm, the deeper he sinks into the depths of Tooru's eyes. _The deeper I fall into oblivion._ "I guess," Hajime replies.

"For the first set, the names I will be calling out will play with the team captain, Yutaro Kindaichi, Akira Kunimi, and Shinji Watari," The Head Coach announces. The names go on and on, and Hajime sits waiting in the bench with an impassive look on his face. "...And Hajime Iwaizumi."

Hajime snaps back to his senses, straightening up.

"Iwa-chan," Tooru bends down to look Hajime in the eyes, as if teasing him, "you're playing with me on the first set." Hajime doesn't move for a moment then he walks inside the court, pushing past the captain. If he lets himself get distracted by Tooru's silly games, he won't be able to join the club. Hajime breathes in deeply. This time his vision narrows and all he sees are the lines that mark the court, the net and his teammates.

For a while, he wants to forget about the Tooru he admires. He wants to see Tooru as the team captain right now, not the boy he bumped into the other day. The coach approaches him and squeezes his shoulder, "Play at ease. Trust your teammates." Hajime nods. "And if Tooru tosses the last ball to you, he believes that you can take this set for him and win it. Don't disappoint him." With that, the coach clears the path and walks back to the bench.

Hajime lets everything sink in. _If Tooru tosses the last ball to me, I have to do everything_ _I can so I won't fail him._ His thoughts are somehow cloudy and he doubts that the team captain will actually toss the last ball to him.

Yet his heart yearns for that trust.

The game starts with Kunimi serving the ball. Hajime observes his teammates' and the opponents' response to how the ball goes back and forth between them. He doesn't show off much through the first half of the game. Their team is on the lead, and every time Tooru somehow beams when his team scores a point, Hajime can't seem to peel his eyes away from the team captain. Tooru casts him a quick glance every now and then, waiting for him to make a move for the ball. Hajime musters his courage now they are halfway through the game, and each one needs to bring out their best. Now that the rotation has put him in front along with Tooru, he can finally do what he's been meaning to do all this time. _Spike_.

Even though it's not nearly obvious, Hajime knows that whomever Tooru is with, Tooru propels them to their highest potential. That's why he's known as the Great King. He is selfless and yet remains powerful and unwavering on his feet. He stands out, no matter what.

_He is the silver lining_ , Hajime thinks.

Their team has reached set point now. Hajime has only spiked the ball twice. _At least, I was able to._ Kindaichi serves this time, and Hajime watches the rally between the teams as the going gets tough, each one determined to win the set.

"Iwa-chan!" Tooru tosses the ball to his direction. _And if Tooru tosses the last ball to you, he believes that you can take this set for him and win it. Don't disappoint him._ The world dips into slow motion, and Hajime sees only the ball and Tooru, his gleaming eyes turning towards him. He has let go of the ball, and it is only up to Hajime now. _I trust you,_ the captain's expression dictates. _The light, it's too bright._ Hajime sees a flash of something so unlikely, and it fades into the thin air so suddenly. Hajime jumps, eyeing the opponent's side of the court just before the ball reaches his hand, and then he spikes so strongly that the impact is deafening. The ball lands on the other side. Their opponents were unable to save it.

Hajime hears a chorus of cheers, but his mind wanders to the gleam in Tooru's eyes and how that brief moment somehow lit up before his eyes. _Like a burst of colors. Like a birth of a star._ He finds himself lost in it.

"Iwa-chan," Tooru calls out, cutting off his train of thoughts. "You were amazing."

Hajime wipes his own sweat with the back of his hand and smiles. Tooru is bathed in sweat, too, and Hajime gets the strangest urge to wipe it off. _Damn_ , Hajime curses and looks away. _Damn it._

The next set begins with new players, except that Tooru stays, as the team captain. He has to decide who is fit to play with the team, and whether their unique potential can make the wheels turn more efficiently than average. Hajime observes from a distance. No matter how much effort he spews to avoid staring at the captain, the situation seems helpless.

_  
_The day finally ends with the last set of players. Tooru's team wins all three sets, and everyone can't help but admire the team captain's personality whenever they get to play with him. Meanwhile the leaders of the opponent side, some former players, are annoyed. Hajime is last to leave the gym, avoiding as much social interaction as possible. To his surprise, Tooru comes back to the gym.

"I thought you didn't want to leave the gym at all," the captain tells him.

"I'm already leaving," Hajime's reply is quick.

"Not yet," Tooru blocks his way, his voice full of authority. Hajime's heart leaps to his throat, and he swallows hard. _He pisses me off and makes me so uncomfortable,_ Hajime thinks.

"Let's play. I'll toss to you."

"I'm in a hurry. I have to leave soon." Hajime tries to push his way past Tooru, but Tooru places his hands on both sides of the door, leaving no space for Hajime to exit.

"You piss me off, team captain," Hajime finally blurts.

"Let's walk home together."

Hajime is caught off guard but dares not to show it in front of Tooru. He has to rewind the moment to confirm what the captain has just said. _Let's walk home together_ , he's sure of it. He holds Tooru's gaze for seconds long and sees the same unusual sparkle in them. "Fine," Hajime sighs. _I want to go home with you_. Hajime acts all nonchalant. Tooru backs away and waits for Hajime to walk side by side with him.

The sun is setting low in the horizon, and already the grey skies are being chased away by a darker hue.

"Do you believe in colors, Iwa-chan?" Tooru pipes up halfway through their journey.

Hajime tries to find a decent answer but only ends up with, "I don't know."

"Well, I do."

Hajiime throws him a sideway glance, heat creeping into his cheeks. _I do believe in them, too._ He suddenly wants to take it back and tell him the truth.

"What would it be like to see the world in color? Will it be amazing? Will it disappoint me?" Oikawa throws away the questions as if Hajime isn't there in the first place. "Am I better off not seeing them?" Hajime's heart sinks upon hearing it.

"See, what if you're not destined for anyone? What if you're destined for death?" Oikawa's voice is soft and brimming with sadness.

Hajime tries to cut the queue. "Idiot, aren't you?"

Tooru's eyes flash in disappointment and surprise. "You're mean, Iwa-chan."

"You're talking nonsense. I'm not even listening," Hajime lies.

"I'm not talking nonsense! I've read about it in books," Tooru tries to defend himself, and Hajime thinks it's adorable. _Me too._

"You're not supposed to believe in things just because they're written in books, _Assikawa_." Hajime teases him. Tooru pouts his lips, defeated, and stays quiet throughout the rest of the journey home. Hajime feels a sense of comfort and drive to walk with the team captain until the night falls. The wind blows against them and it makes them shiver. Tooru rubs his hands together in frail attempt to keep himself warm. _The night is cold_ , Hajime thinks and acts on instinct. He huddles close to Tooru, suddenly forgetful of the unease he felt towards the captain just a few moments ago. _I'm sinking into oblivion, and I don't mind as long as it's Tooru._ He wraps a hand on Tooru's side, pulling him in close, so they stick together.

"What are you doi-" Tooru coughs, unable to finish the question.

"It's cold, idiot. I can't let you freeze and have myself carry you home," Hajime realizes how awkward it sounds. He covers it up quick with a vague insult, "Like heck I would carry you home."

Tooru chuckles and wraps his arms around himself. "What if I collapse here, Iwa-chan?

Hajime struggles to find the right words, the right pieces to the puzzle that will fit perfectly. He's feeling a surging wave of emotions that threatens to drown him. He is this close to the captain, this close to hearing his beating heart. Even with the sun dipping low, Tooru's light doesn't fade.

_I will carry you home and make sure you're warm._ He wants to say, but he pretends he hasn't heard the captain at all.

They arrive at an intersection; a lone light post stands and illuminates the area. It's been so long since Hajime walked his way home. Alone, he prefers taking the bus to save some of his energy, and he wonders why Tooru invited him to walk the way home.

"Pull yourself together, captain," Hajime pulls away from Tooru. "My home's this way," he points to the north where a train passes by.

"Right," Tooru puffs and hints a half-smile, shivering. His defenses have crumbled in the cold. "Thanks, Iwa-chan."

_He's pale_. Hajime's eyes linger over him for a moment before Tooru turns and heads to the right. Hajime thinks about walking him home so he knows he's safe, but he decides against it. _I will look stupid and pathetic._ He walks off and heads home instead. The winds have calmed now. The streets are dead and empty on all corners. He remembers the light and gleam in Tooru's eyes, letting his thoughts find its home in them. He looks at the palm of his hand.

_If I hold his hand, will I see the colors? Or will the world remain black and white?_

_I don't want to know just yet._

* * *

 

Hajime stays inside the library for the rest of the afternoon, since the professors are out for a national conference. Days have passed since the volleyball team posted the results of the try-outs. He's in. He hangs out with Tooru more often than usual, and day by day, his heart grows fonder of the team captain. Today, he sits by the window, letting the cold wind spill inside the small space. He doesn't feel like playing volleyball at all. Somehow he wants to quiet his mind. He closes his eyes, savoring the music he hears from the chirping of the birds and rustling of the leaves.

"Iwa-chan!"

Hajime jerks from his seat, almost losing his balance. "Damn it," he curses under his breath. "Why do you have to be so loud?" Tooru just giggles and swings himself up so he is sitting on the windowsill.

"Go out with me to the coffee shop after school," Tooru finally says after a long moment of silence.

"Count me out," Hajime lays his head down on the table. "I have to be home early for dinner."

"Just this once, Iwa-chan. There's an ice cream stall across the coffee shop. They're great. I'll buy you one," Tooru's face is half illuminated by the sun. Hajime studies his serence face. _He shines even if the whole world is dull._ Tooru turns to him, and he holds Hajime's gaze. There's more to it this time, more than just a gleam, a sparkle, and a light. _It burns a mellow flame._

Hajime sighs, "Fine."

_The more time I spend with him, the stronger I crave for his presence._

The coffee shop is ten minutes away from the school. Hajime remembers that it's Friday. No wonder the streets are more crowded than usual. He watches a car speed by along the road before Tooru calls him out from inside the shop. His eyes land on the team captain. _How is he so happy?_ Hajime doesn't want that smile to fade away. He feels responsible for that blanket of happiness wrapped around Tooru. He pushes the door open and steps inside, the bell over the door rings in unison. He chooses the table at one corner of the shop, next to the window. Tooru arrives with coffee cups and two plates of Red Velvet cakes.

"The coffee here is so good," Tooru happily says after taking a sip on his coffee. Hajime remains silent and lets the team captain be himself and enjoy the things that he likes.

He wants it to last while it's there before him.

They walk home together with the vanilla-flavored ice cream in hand. Hajime insisted that he gets the smallest cone. Tooru, stubborn as ever, hands him the largest cone. He knows that Hajime will get mad at him for many things, like paying attention to girls and getting their hopes up, but not for this. They walk by the road this time, instead of taking the shortcut where the intersection is. _Besides, it's Friday_ , Hajime thinks.

Tooru stops in his tracks. Hajime halts, too.

"Iwa-chan, do you see that?" He points to a burst of fireworks in the distance. It's bright, but there is nothing special about it for Hajime. _A celebration for the romantics_ , _is it?_

Then he feels someone's hand slide down his palm and fingers entwining with his. Hajime's breath hitches as he witnesses a blinding light flash before him, and the world bursts into warm hues – colors, as they say. The fireworks overhead light up the night sky, like the bursting stars but brighter and more vibrant. He watches, overwhelmed and in utter awe at the new world before him. _The night time is so beautiful._

He realizes after a long moment of silence whose hand is holding his. He turns his head to the team captain—a mop of tousled brown hair, pale skin, brown eyes, and rosy lips. _You exist inside the colors, Tooru,_ Hajime remembers. _And you're destined for me._

"Tooru, do you see all of it, too?"

Tooru is distant, dazed and somehow lost in his look. Hajime realizes he is crying. His heart sinks, because those aren't the tears of someone crying in joy. He can tell by the way Tooru looks at the fireworks—there is a hopeless yearning.

"Why can't I see them, too, Iwa-chan?" His sobs are painful, too painful for Hajime to hear. Tooru pulls Hajime in and rests his head on his shoulder. He clings unto him, as if he is all of his life, and it is being taken away from him. Hajime's heart feels like it is being ripped apart.

_You exist inside the colors, Tooru, but why can't the world let you see them too?_

He closes his eyes, tears damping his cheeks. He knows the answer, and he's not ready to embrace it. Not ever. _If the one destined for me cannot see the colors when I can, then I'll be better off not seeing them._

* * *

 

The breeze is light and cool against Hajime's skin.

Somehow he's glad he's under the shaded place. He flops down on the grass, sets down the picnic basket and puts on his earphones. He listens to his favorite music. The music matches the cool atmosphere and the blue skies, and it warms Hajime's heart. He realizes he's forgotten something in the car, so he rushes back to get it.

He returns and sets the white tulips down on the polished stone before him.

"It's been two years. I'm happily enjoying the world in color now, Tooru," he lies. _It's not the same without you._ "I still haven't met someone as dumb as you are." He tries to laugh it off like he always did, but it comes out empty and meaningless.

He waits and waits for that happiness and acceptance he promised Tooru to sink in before fate took him away.

But Hajime knows better; it doesn't come.

"I'm so sick of missing you, you idiot," his voice breaks, tears pelting the gray stone where the long gone team captain's name is engraved.

_It will never come._


End file.
